


The Break

by SherlockWolf



Series: SherlockWolf's Alternate S13 [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Michael!Dean, POV Castiel, Post-Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, cas is in a lot of pain, i cant believe we're gonna be using that tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 20:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14701707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: Castiel is blindsided by Dean's decision to help Michael. He doesn't know how to cope because he knows Dean won't be coming home.





	The Break

**Author's Note:**

> Wow so how about that feels train. The fact that Dean and Cas are an established thing in my AU makes it so much fun and so much more painful to write. And Cas at the end of the episode broke my heart.
> 
> My Heart Will Go On was playing while I wrote the first part.
> 
> OF COURSE LA LA LAND HAS TO BE PLAYING WHILE I WRITE THE SECOND PART
> 
> And you can guess what played during the third...Damn Dean and his mixed tape.
> 
> I wrote this one sparsely on purpose, to try and show how one-track-mind Castiel is, as well as the blinding strength of his pain. Cas is hurting and there's one thing he can focus on. I hope it comes across ok.
> 
> I'll probably continue this established relationship AU when s14 picks back up, I'm enjoying it a lot and will miss it. But I'll have to see how the school year is going. Letting me know you're interested in reading more would help sway my mind...
> 
> ~  
> As always, let me know if there's any grammar/spelling errors and/or weirdness. Thanks for reading, and if you've been along for the whole AU, I hope the ending wrapped up as well for you as it did for me. <3 SW  
> ~  
> I'm taking commissions! If interested, please visit my profile and message me at sherlockwolf.tumblr.com

 

_“Don’t ever forget I need you. Whatever happens…don’t ever forget it.”_

    Dean’s words, spoken barely two weeks ago, resound in Castiel’s head like a migraine.

    They’re all he has left of the man, right now. The car, the bunker, the memories—oh, letting memories in would _kill_ him–pale as Castiel drowns himself in Dean’s words.

    His words, his actions, his choices…

    Castiel is terrified.

    Had Dean been thinking of this all along? Was that why he had been so scared?

    Castiel had been shocked to his core when Dean had proposed the idea to Michael.

    No manner of protest had stopped Dean from saying yes.

    _Castiel grabbed Dean’s shoulder, spun him around again, said, “Don’t do this.”_

_“I told you—I have to.”_

_“Please, Dean, there must be—.”_

_“We don’t have time!”_

_“The sooner the better.” Michael agreed, and Castiel felt sick._

_“Please don’t go.”_

Don’t leave me.

_“I’ll be back. We made a deal. I’ll be back.” Dean repeated, softer, like he needed to believe it just as much as Castiel._

_“I love you.” Castiel said, voice to cracking under the weight of his fear as he took Dean into his arms._

_He glared at Michael with all the hatred he could muster. Michael smirked at him. Castiel felt faint. He knew his brother wouldn’t keep up his end of the deal. But Dean had already made up his mind. And Castiel couldn’t stop him from going after Sam. Not this time._

_“Don’t say it like that.” Dean whispered, hugging Castiel with all his strength, “I love you, too. So much, Cas. You know that.”_

_Then Dean left, and Castiel’s heart shattered._

~

    Castiel wasn’t sure how long he sat on the stairs after Bobby and Mary left to meet Jody so they could find Sam and Jack. He regretted that he hadn’t been able to explain what had happened, but his throat was sealed shut with indescribable pain.

    He wasn’t sure when he locked himself in Dean’s room. He just knew that the room smelled and felt like Dean, that Dean’s pillow was not a substitute but smelled like him, that Dean’s record player could play music that wasn’t Dean’s voice but reminded him of Dean singing at the top of his lungs under the stars on some country lane in the Impala.

    Dean…

    Castiel sat on the bed, imagining the horrors that his best friends—his family—were facing. Was Jack dead? Sam? _Dean_?

    Castiel did not expect Dean to come home.

    Whether through Michael’s doing or Lucifer’s, Castiel knew Dean would be gone.  

    Whether through Michael or Lucifer, the world would be destroyed. Michael’s purging would be no better than Lucifer’s petulant rage.

    Assuming Michael— _Dean—_ made it.

    Castiel wondered if he would sense Dean’s death. If he would feel the bits of his grace that were _still,_ after all these years, intertwined with Dean’s soul, die with the man he loved.

    The last time they had fought Lucifer, Castiel had died.

    Now, he imagined that this was what Dean had felt.

    Crushing defeat, consuming loss, constricting guilt.

    The desire to die and follow him into the dark.

    But Castiel had felt no such sensation, and so the little bit of hope that clung to his heart told him that Dean would be fine. That he would be okay.

    Of course he would. Castiel was still here. Castiel still needed him.

    Castiel would save Dean Winchester again.

    He had to.

~

    The sound of Sam’s voice— _Sam!_ —roused Castiel from the mental cage he’d built himself in Dean’s room. No one had come for him, and he had not left. He had no idea how long he’d been in there, but now that Sam was home, he wanted to know. How long had it been? Where was Dean? Were they safe?

    But Castiel couldn’t make his feet lift him from the bed. They were like lead weights, chaining him to his mental Hell. He didn’t hear Dean’s voice—he knew he wouldn’t, so why was he listening for it?

    It didn’t take long—a few words, some celebratory voices, some crying—for Castiel to pick up the sound of Sam’s feet rushing to his—Dean’s—room.

    The door swung open, and there was Sam, bloody, but alive.

    Castiel was relieved to see him.

    “Oh, fuck, Cas.” Sam whispered, then the angel found himself engulfed in a hug.

    Sam was shaking.

    How long had it been?

    “What?” Sam asked, and Castiel realized he’d tried to ask his question out loud.

    “How long…?” The angel forced out, his voice raw and throat sore.

    Had he been crying? Castiel hadn’t been paying attention. Dean’s pillow was wet in his hands.

    “Jody found Jack and I yesterday. We just got back.” Sam offered.

    His voice was raw, too.

    “What happened?”

    Sam explained, and Castiel felt waves of horror prick his skin. He clung to Sam, unknowingly bruising the man’s skin through his shirts.

    So Lucifer was gone. And Dean was gone. And Michael was loose.

    “We’ll get him back, Cas. Bobby and Mary are organizing everyone. We’re gonna find him and bring him home. And we’ll stop Michael.”

    Castiel couldn’t respond, but he agreed. They would bring Dean home. He would kill Michael.

    “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Sam said as he let go of Castiel and made sure the angel was steady where he sat.

    “You too, Sam.”

    Sam stood for a moment, debating what to say to his brother’s brokenhearted angel and his best friend, while Castiel let his head slack so that he stared at the floor. He didn’t know what to say to Sam, either. They’d lost Dean so many times, but this time was a deeper wound than before.

    It felt like The End.

    Led Zepplin’s _Babe I’m Gonna Leave You_ wailed a tune of sorrow from the record player.

    This time, Castiel felt the tears burn hot in his eyes, and he let them fall as he curled up on the bed.

    Sam gently placed the covers over him, then slipped from the room.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Supernatural can try all they want, but they'll have to rip End!Verse from my cold, dead hands.   
> (I'm gonna write an end!verse AU this summer and I'm going to cry a lot, is what this means)


End file.
